Bariatric Surgery: A Magic Bullet or Life-Changing Opportunity?

Losing Weight for the RIGHT Reasons to Ensure Weight Loss Success—Part II

Is it any wonder that obesity has reached epidemic proportions given the fact that our society seems more fixated on outside appearances—our physical image, accumulating material goods, gathering wealth—all the things that drive people’s desire for status and other outer measures of success.  These are among the things that make people feel good about themselves.

But as we know, people can be materially successful and still be overweight, eat emotionally, and struggle with their relationship with food and their bodies.

In order to truly address the issue of why it’s so difficult for people for lose weight and sustain a healthy body weight, we have to stop looking outside ourselves for all kinds of validation that we are worthwhile.  To lose weight you have to be motivated by the right reasons.  In my previous article I enumerated a number of the wrong reasons people use to motivate themselves to lose weight.

So what are the right reasons, you might ask.

First, there are some factors to take into account when you’re trying to determine what are YOUR right reasons that will set you on the path to successful, sustainable weight loss and permanent lifestyle changes.

1. Physical Illness

Have you been diagnosed with diabetes, high blood pressure, heart     disease or do you have a family history of these diseases? Reasearch shows that these diseases are among those that losing weight can positively impact.

2. History of Abuse

In my experience, I have found that individuals with a history of physical, sexual, and/or emotional abuse. are more prone to using food to comfort and soothe themselves when they’re emotionally distressed and tend to use food and the extra weight that results from overeating as a way of protecting themselves from intimacy.  In some cases, it’s a way of keeping themselves safe, even though they may not be consciously aware of doing so.

3. Unrealistic Expectations or Goals

I often see people put an arbitrary time frame on losing weight and tell themselves that they want to weigh a specific number on the scale.  This number, first of all, may not be sustainable given your body type.  It may even be a weight that you were in high school that is not realistic for the majority.  As Dr. Pamela Peake states in her book, Fight Fat After Forty, “a woman’s metabolism traditionally decreases at a rate of at least 5 percent per decade of life, starting at age twenty.” Furthermore, putting a rigid time frame on weight loss is a set up.  Losing weight is a process that involves consistent energy, effort, a willingness to make mistakes (yes, we all make mistakes-ie. episodes of overeating), learn from them (not use it as an opportunity to emotionally beat yourself up but learn something valuable you can use next time) and make gradual, incremental changes that will last a lifetime.

4. Negative Self Talk and Messages

Seriously, nothing will sabotage your weight loss efforts and demotivate you more quickly than calling yourself names, denigrating yourself, and telling yourself things like “You’re so fat and disgusting, no one will ever love or care about you unless you lose weight.”  In my work, I continue to see how excrutiatingly hard people are on themselves and their bodies as well as being highly self critical.  In reality, we make much more progress toward our goals by being self compassionate, kind, self loving, and understanding.  As I say to my clients, you would never speak to a loved one as harshly as you speak to yourself. (I can see your heads nodding, you all know what I’m talking about.)

5. Support System

Do you tell yourself I can do this myself?  It’s true your motivation has to come from within but it’s important to get a “little help you’re your friends” and family.  Consider your support network and examine who are true supporters and who are in reality, sabotagers.  Some sabotagers can thwart your weight loss efforts in subtle ways so be aware.  This can be an opportunity to use your mouth—not to eat away the discomfort, but to find your voice and tell the person what you really need in order to feel supported.

6.    Exercise

Face it, you have to find some form of exercise to go hand in hand withyour weight loss journey.  But you may be sabotaging yourself withyour self defeating attitude.  You may be giving yourself critical messages about how you’ll look exercising or what people will say but you have to remind yourself, the journey of 1,000 miles starts with one step.  Start by walking or taking a water aerobics class, if you have physical problems with walking.  Enlist a friend’s support and go with your buddy.  In my Slimworks groups I have found that the women who experience the greatest success, are willing to step outside their safezones, reach out, and exercise together.  It’s much more fun that way.  Also  there’s comfort level given the fact that you share a common goal and don’t have to feel you’re alone on your journey.

To determine YOUR right reasons for losing weight, sustaining it and developing lifestyle changes that will be longlasting, you need to keep your focus on doing it in order to be healthy, not to look like a model or your favorite movie star, for your health.

Try this little exercise to start with:  Ask yourself what are the advantages and disadvantages to me to becoming the healthy person I want to be.  You may discover by doing this that you have some beliefs that will stand in the way of your goals.  Awareness is the first step.  If you decide that you are unable to work the dilemmas out on your own, you can always seek professional help.  Trained professionals like myself can help you sort through your thoughts and feelings and unblock areas that stand in your way of being successful.

If you feel that you’re on your way, focus your attentions inward on how good you feel eating in a healthier way and how vital and alive your body feels in an exercise routine you enjoy. Maintaining an awareness of these energizing, internal feelings and positively reinforcing them in yourself will help you experience your body and yourself in a fresh, new way.  Your new body awareness will reaffirm your efforts and keep you on your path.  For once you continually feel the changes from the inside out, they are far more real and sustainable, indicating that your motivations are coming from within, not externally focused.

That’s the goal—the motiviation has to come from within.

As a final note, in keeping an internal focus, it will be easier to be more attuned to your true, physical hunger and satiation point and eat accordingly.

Remember once you determine YOUR right reasons for losing weight, the next step is to practice eating mindfully to reinforce them.

Losing Weight for the Right Reasons is the Best Motivator-Part I

If you’ve ever tried to lose weight, you have probably been lured into the process by some appealing looking diet du jour.  Maybe you’ve even lost the desired weight, only to regain it and perhaps more.  Full of self loathing and disappointment, you lick your wounds and vow to try again—next time you’ll have more willpower.

Newsflash: It’s not about Willpower.

Many people have come into treatment with me to lose weight explaining that they’ve tried everything and that they just see themselves as weak individuals with no willpower.  I always explain that you have to start by asking yourself what is motivating you to lose weight?  Once you begin to understand your reasons for wanting to lose weight, you can truly start to make progress.

In thinking about writing this article, I discovered many different definitions of motivation but only one really hit the nail on the head.  According to motivation-for-dreamers.com, motivation is the reason for an action, that which gives purpose and direction to behavior.  It is “what drives you” to behave in a certain way or to take a particular action. It is your WHY.

Over the 30 years I have counseled people desiring weight loss, I have always reminded them first and foremost, that Slimworks, my non-diet, mindful eating approach is not the quick fix that diets promise.  It is a process that takes time, energy, sustained effort, and a willingness to make mistakes and learn from them.  In addition, you must practice being self compassionate, not self critical or judgmental.  But first you have to begin by looking at the various motivators that are driving your desire to change and lose weight—your very own WHYS.

These reasons are very important.  It is crucial that you take time to think about them, since I have worked with countless people who initially come in to lose weight for the wrong reasons that inevitably lead to failure and frustration.

What are the wrong reasons for losing weight?  Here are ten common ones to avoid:

1. Losing weight for an event—a reunion, wedding, family gathering

Whenever you make an event your reason for losing weight, it is destined for failure because once the event is over, so is your motivation.

2. Losing weight to be loved by your partner, parent, significant other

The focus has to be on loving yourself unconditionally as well as caring for and about yourself first, not trying to lose weight to get that love and affection from others. You’re the source- it has to come from within.

3. Losing weight to start dating

Your life has to start now, there’s no need to postpone things that you truly want—including a partner.

4. Losing weight to fit into a specific size or be a certain number on the scale

You will discover that when you learn to eat according to your physical hunger and stop when you’re comfortably satisfied, your body will naturally gravitate toward a comfortable body weight that is sustainable.  You have to be realistic and not strive to be the weight you were in high school.   So keep the focus on the internal processes and your body will follow.

5. Losing weight to go on vacation

Don’t wait, plan a vacation now.  No need to punish yourself or delay a much needed opportunity to rest, relax, and rejuvenate and experience someplace new.  You will get much more out of giving to yourself than depriving yourself.

6. Losing weight to buy new clothes

Throughout the entire process of losing weight, you have to feel comfortable in your body.  Tight fitting clothes just make you feel self conscious and overly aware of not being where you want to be.  Buying new clothes that fit your current body size will make your feel more attractive and as you lose weight, you can always have them taken in.

7. Losing weight in order to join a gym, do an exercise class or start an exercise plan

Isn’t there something oxymoronic about this.  You go to the gym to enhance your weight loss efforts, not to mention, the endorphins that your brain releases that make you feel good overall.  Remember there are people of all different shapes and sizes at the gym and if not, look around and choose a gym that feels comfortable to you.

8. Losing weight to go out with friends

If someone is truly your friend, they don’t care what size you are, they love and appreciate your for who you really are both inside and out. Depriving yourself of fun with friends will just land you back into isolating and using food for comfort and soothing.

9. Losing weight in order to look for a new job

Pursue a new job now.  If you’re unhappy with your present job, redo your resume, buy a new interviewing outfit, get some job coaching and go for it!  No need to put your life on hold.

10. Losing weight to go to the beach or the pool

There are all different sizes and styles of bathing suits out there—in stores and on line.  If you enjoy the beach but deprive yourself from going, it will backfire.  This is where self compassion comes in, buy something you feel comfortable in and enjoy being by the ocean.  Go out and live your life, no need to sit on the sidelines!

So if any of these reasons are some of your motivators for losing weight, think again.  Your reasons have to be deeper and more meaningful, ones that will withstand your urges to eat emotionally, impulsively, compulsively, and mindlessly.  They have to come from within.

Once you have your list of reasons, write them on an index card.  Put them by your bedside table and read them when you wake up in the morning and when you go to sleep at night.  Keep another copy at work in your desk drawer and one in your wallet so you can refer to it at anytime.  Constantly reminding yourself of your motivators can help to imbed them in your unconscious.  You can even have a good friend with a soothing voice record them onto a CD that you can upload onto your I-Pod.

Be Creative and Focused on Your Goals and You Will Stay Motivated!!

Stay tuned…the next article is on the RIGHT reasons to ensure successful, sustained weight loss.

Can You Really Think Yourself Slim?

It is a widely known cognitive behavioral principle that our feeling and thoughts drive our actions.  Therefore, if you are thinking negative thoughts and feeling upset and distressed, it is most likely going to translate out into negative action.  When clients first begin treatment their heads are often filled with such denigrating and self defeating thoughts as “I hate my body.”  “I’m so fat and disgusting that no one will ever love me.”  Or “I’ll never lose weight, so I might as well just give up now.”  These thoughts are accompanied by many feelings like depression, self-loathing, helplessness, and anxiety.  The action that typically follows this progression of events is behavior that will comfort and soothe and provide an escape (even if it’s temporary) from these painful feelings and thoughts….Food.  Thus, the cycle of overeating begins once more.

What if you could change your thoughts and feelings into something more positive, self accepting, and encouraging that would help you attain your goal of losing weight, feeling good about yourself, and developing a peaceful relationship with food? (I can hear you relaxing already.)

Affirmations are a powerful vehicle for change and can be a useful tool for weight loss and eating mindfully.  Mindful eating has to be part of the equation in order to attain a healthy, sustainable weight for a lifetime.

When you think about affirmations what probably comes to mind is that it’s “hokey,” or maybe you have visions of  the Al Franken character, Stuart Smalley, from Saturday Night Live’s vignette, Daily Affirmations with Stuart Smalley in which he infamously said, “I’m good enough, and doggonit, people like me!”  Well, stay with me here and try to keep an open mind.

The science behind the success of affirmations is that by consciously changing negative thoughts into positive ones, you can reprogram your unconscious mind.  Through the repetition of those positive thoughts, the new positive beliefs become embedded in your unconscious and your behavior can begin to change.

Crafting a powerful, positive affirmation is not difficult but there are a few key elements:

1. Set your intention

First look at your life and determine what you want to change.  What is your goal?  Start by focusing on one aspect of your life at a time.  It can be overwhelming to work on multiple changes at once and this will also dilute your energy and focus.

2. Create a positive statement

Let the affirmation reflect what you want to create even if you don’t believe it 100%.  Most importantly, use positive, descriptive, motivating language.  Many affirmations begin with the word, “I” and must be written in the present tense as though it is happening right now in this moment.

3. Make it Realistic

In addition to the statement being positive, it must feel doable and instill a sense of hopefulness.

Once written, the affirmation can be utilized in many creative ways.

§      Through Repetition

Say it with power, confidence, enthusiasm and energy as much as possible-when you wake up, drive in your car, before each meal, at the gym, when you go to sleep at night—the more times the better.  Remember positivity engenders more positivity.  Envision this process as positive self-hypnosis.

§      Record it

Either record the affirmation on a CD using your own voice or have a friend do it for you.  If you decide to record an affirmation, you may want to include 3 or 4 additional ones that all reinforce the same theme of the original positive message.  You can then play the CD in your car on your way to work, listen to it at home or upload it onto your I-Pod and listen to it during the day.

§      Write it on a Post-It

By writing your affirmation(s) on a post-it, you can then post it or them around your house, in your office space, in your car, and other places that you normally frequent during your day.

§      Mirror Work

Stand in front of the mirror and make eye contact with yourself and give voice to your affirmation with conviction, positivity, and confidence.  By looking at yourself straight in the eye, the message becomes more powerful and meaningful.  It further reinforces the belief that feeling good about yourself is within in your power and it comes from within.  So take them time to be with yourself in the present moment and mindfully state your affirmation.

Since many of my clients want to lose weight, break free from the diet mentality and the resultant deprivation-bingeing cycle, as well as to

learn to love, honor, and respect themselves and their bodies, the following are some suggestions for mindful eating affirmations. Feel free to use them.

Mindful Eating Affirmations

Every day I am getting better and better at making healthy food choices and slowly and mindfully eating foods I love, paying close attention to each bite I take so I stop when comfortably satisfied.

I lose weight naturally and effortlessly by listening to my body and eating according to my physical hunger and stop at the point of satisfaction.

I love and respect my body as it is right now and am successfully progressing along my journey of losing weight and naturally nourishing my body with healthy foods more and more of the time.

I eat food slowly and use all of my senses to truly taste, smell, and fully experience eating mindfully and in so doing; I easily and naturally lose weight and am more open to all the joys of life.

I am free to choose the foods I love that nourish my body and provide me with boundless energy to exercise regularly and appreciate the changes I am making everyday body and mind.

I am an exuberant, magnificent, radiant being, eating just what my body needs to maintain a healthy, sustainable weight.

I trust myself and my body to guide me to eat when I’m physically hungry, stop when comfortably satisfied, and to use my voice to express my feelings and thoughts directly.

So if you’re still not convinced that you can think yourself Slim, try it.  Remember to bring a positive intention to this work and allow yourself to approach it with an open mind, self- compassionate, and all the tenacity you have within you.

How do you get better at anything new that you try?

Practice, practice, practice.

While she and Ryan, her ex-boyfriend of one year, had broken up six months ago after discovering that he had been cheating on her, it still felt like yesterday to Sarah.  Devastated by the betrayal, she was slow to heal—after all, she was sure Ryan was the one.  Now she can look back and see that she chose to ignore his flirtiness with other women and his “checking out” women while they were together, not to mention, his being critical of her body.

But then she was used to the critical eye having grown up with parents to whom appearance was paramount. And yet, here she was again, single and 30.

Ending #1

As the evening wore on, Jack, an old friend of Ryan’s, arrived and in the midst of their conversation, he casually mentioned that he heard Ryan was getting married.  To add insult to injury, it was to the woman with whom he had cheated. Having already had a number of drinks and feeling slightly drunk, she accepted Jack’s offer to do some shots of tequila. She began to flirt with him and after much canoodling, she took Jack home and had sex with him, the whole time fantasizing about Ryan.

The next day she was full of self-loathing and regret. Jack left and she was alone again.  The pain had returned.  Immediately, she jumped onto the Internet visiting porn sites, pleasuring herself through the day as she desperately tried to feel better.  When she grew bored with that she called an online service and had phone sex for several hours.  Finally, she concluded her day by making a date with someone she met online and “hooked up” with him late that night.  The next day she once more felt the pain of being rejected by Ryan as well as tremendous shame and self-hatred for what she’d done…only to go out and repeat the same old cycle again, the one she thought she had put behind her having found true love in Ryan…now it was back.

Ending #2

As the evening wore on, Jack, an old friend of Ryan’s, arrived and in the midst of their conversation, he casually mentioned that he heard Ryan was getting married.  To add insult to injury, it was to the woman with whom he cheated.

The words fell on her like a ton of bricks, she could barely speak.  Excusing herself she told Jack and her girlfriends that she felt a migraine coming on and needed to go home.  Her girlfriends put her in a cab to make sure she would get home safely.  As soon as the cab dropped Sarah off, she headed across the street to the local 24- hour market and bought a gallon of chocolate chip ice cream, two boxes of cookies, three bags of chocolate, a big bag of Doritos, a liter of Coke, and a red velvet cake.

Rushing back to her apartment, she threw on her pajamas and gradually ate her way through most of the food, ultimately falling asleep in a food coma.  When she awoke surrounded by empty bags of chips, boxes of cookies, half-eaten cake and melted ice cream all over her bed, she felt horrified.  Bloated, still stuffed and full of shame and self-loathing, she thought of Ryan and how no one would ever love her again—being such a pathetic, out of control, hideous person.  Later that night…the bingeing began again.

These are two different endings to the same story and yet, Sarah was seeking the same outcome—relief from her pain, an escape, a desire to feel good, (even if it’s temporary), and a way to go numb.

Sex and food can be seen as not-so-distant cousins.

Strikingly, sex addiction has much in common with disordered eating.

Some of the key elements they share are:

§      A sense of compulsivity and an inability to stop

§      An escape from other problems such as loneliness, pain, stress, depression, or anxiety

§      A need to act out secretly and hide the compulsive behavior

§      A range of feelings including being out of control, shame, guilt,    self-loathing, and remorse

§      An impulse to self-medicate in order to feel good

§      A desire for a quick fix and a way to fill the “inner hole”

In 1991 Patrick Carnes, a psychologist, researcher, and pioneer in the field of sexual addiction, published the first major study on sexual addiction.  Some of his findings showed that sex addicts were unable to form close friendships and that there feelings of shame and unworthiness prevented them from accepting true intimacy.  They felt that they would surely be rejected if people knew what they were “really” like.

In my experience, many of those suffering from eating disorders, like sex addicts, see themselves as deeply flawed people and hold these same types of negative beliefs about themselves, guarding themselves from letting anyone too close.  They subscribe to the immortal words of Groucho Marx; “I would never want to be a member of a club that would have me as a member.”

Finally, it seems poignant to mention that these two compulsive behaviors share the common qualities of secrecy and desire to sneak or hide.

Since we now live in a world of “drive-through” everything from Chick-fil-A and McDonald’s to Dunkin’ Donuts and Sonic, it is very easy for those with eating disorders to buy every variety of fast food and secretively binge in their portable restaurant or the car. Or, they can simply order take out and have it delivered to their doors overeating in the privacy of their own homes.

Likewise with sex addicts, the Internet has increased the accessibility to a whole assortment of sexual encounters from sex chat rooms and pornography sites to phone sex and online dating.  Everything is within the “click of the mouse” and brought instantly into the comfort of the home.

Both are looking for that quick fix.

And you know where that leaves you… like Sarah. You still wake up with yourself in the morning and with your harsh inner critic swimming around in your head hurling insults and a heavy dose of self-loathing.

You can put an end to the cycle. And, while it will likely require the help of a good therapist, you can start by acquainting yourself with what you’re truly feeling and allowing yourself to sit with those feelings or write about them, not try to escape from them.

Remember no one ever died from sitting with a feeling, and a little self-compassion goes a long way.

I hope Sarah reads this.

Do you feel drawn to certain foods and end up feeling bloated, fatigued or headachy?

Do you suffer from abdominal pain, flatulence and diarrhea after eating some foods?

If you’ve answered “Yes” to any of these questions, you may have food allergies and/or food intolerances.

There are an estimated 11 million people suffering from food allergies and intolerances today in the United States.  The eight most common food allergens are: milk, eggs, peanuts, tree nuts, fish, shellfish, wheat and soy.

This subject is a complicated one with much controversy as to how and if food allergies and intolerances inhibit weight loss.  While I am not a clinical allergist, one specializing in the diagnosis and treatment of allergies, I can help with detecting what’s going on in your body through mindful detection.

So how do you know if you’re having some kind of allergic reaction?

There are two types of reactions to look for:

Classic Reaction (Type A): In this type of reaction you’ll experience symptoms immediately after having contact with the allergen (such as, peanuts, fish, eggs).  Some common ones include itching, hives, rashes, or in severe cases, swelling of the mouth and tongue, low blood pressure or difficulty breathing.

Delayed Allergy or Intolerance (Type B): In this type of reaction you may feel symptoms between one hour to 3 days after eating.  These symptoms may include bloating, abdominal pain, weight gain, water retention, fatigue, headaches, flatulence, diarrhea, joint aches, etc.

Naturally, with Type A allergies, you will need to avoid these foods altogether since they are dangerously toxic to your body.  But with foods in the Type B category, many believe that if you give your body a “rest” from these foods, you may eat them occasionally as long as they do not constitute the majority of your daily diet.

This may sound simpler than it is in practice.  While giving your body a “rest” from foods you love and crave may make sense intellectually, for many of my clients, it screams of deprivation. The diet mentality kicks in and often triggers a binge on the exact foods to which they may have sensitivities.

While playing the detection game with yourself in trying to determine whether you actually have a food allergy or intolerance, look at the usual suspects first:

* gluten-carrying grasses like wheat, rye, oats, barley-Celiac Disease or Gluten Intolerance
* ddairy products- Dairy Intolerance
* yeasts-Yeast Intolerance or Candida
* fructose malabsorption

Finally, many experts believe that over time food intolerances upset the digestive balance, negatively impact our immune systems and can cause weight gain. Food that isn’t digested properly can be stored as fat, not used as body fuel.  As this process unfolds, one can develop all types of problems in the gut such as malabsorption of nutrients, diarrhea, bloating, constipation, gas, and irritable bowel syndrome.

So where do I begin, you might wonder?

First, it helps to approach it with a positive, curious mindset.  Use positive self talk and remind yourself that this is not a diet but an experiment.  The goal is to rid yourself of uncomfortable, bothersome symptoms in your body, improve your health and perhaps to discover why you’re having trouble losing weight.  It may take the deprivation and subsequent rebellion out of the process.

In working with my clients, I often find that they feel so disconnected from their bodies that they have no idea what they’re feeling and where.  Is it in their heads, their bodies, or are they just imagining things?  This is where mindfulness comes in. If you believe you may have sensitivity to a specific food or foods, keep a food journal for a month and pay close attention to how you feel emotionally and physically after eating the food. Make notes on your food journal about whatever you notice in your body and your mind.

Be particularly aware of feelings in the gut, any pain, sluggishness or fatigue, bloating, headaches, edema, etc.

As you keep track of your emotions and body sensations, you are likely to uncover patterns that will help to further validate your reasons for doing this and will provide more motivation to continue.  If you have enough information, you could try giving your body a “rest” from the food you suspect is problematic and see what happens.  See whether you feel better. That’s the goal.

Another useful mindfulness technique is the body scan.  This is simply done by closing your eyes, taking 5 to 10 deep diaphragmatic breaths, and tune into your body. Slowly and systematically follow the breath and move your attention from the toes, to the feet, shins, calves, knees, thighs, torso…all the way to the top of your head.  Stay focused on each body part and if your mind wanders, bring it back to the breath and continue.  Don’t be judgmental or critical, refocus your attention on the body.

Once you become practiced at this, which by the way, is also a good stress releaser, you can use the body scan before and after you eat the food to which you believe you are sensitive.  This will give you more information and enable you to be more connected with your body.

Once you have collected all the data from your experiment, you’ll be more attuned to your body, better educated, and more prepared to discuss the next steps with a medical professional.  Just so you’re aware, there are some tests you can ultimately have that will unlock some or all of the mystery of whether you have a food allergy or intolerance.  These include a blood test (to measure the lgE antibodies), skin test, and a stool test (to determine yeast overgrowth and digestive problems).

The best place to begin though is by mindfully attending to your body.

Remember: When we don’t listen to our bodies, they speak louder.

Allyn St. Lifer has been a therapist in private practice for over 30 years and specializes in teaching clients mindful eating to determine physical hunger and the point of satisfaction.  She is the founder and director of Slimworks, a mind/body, non-diet approach for managing weight and transforming one’s relationship with food, body and self.  To find out more about Allyn, please visit her website: www.slimworks.com.  She is a regular ShareWIK.com columnist.